Narrative Distance in Fiction: The Writer's Ultimate Tool

[00:00:00][Music] your narrator calls the shots if we're going all in on the idea that the narrator is the generator of the words your reader reads and we are then your narrator also controls quite a few other critical aspects of your story one of these aspects is the narrative distance the words your narrator places on the page will determine how your reader simulates the story just as much as the actions they're interpreting distance is about how close the reader feels to the action and the narrator is paramount in this regard we've already experienced this a little with a few of the passages in the last couple lessons most notably when tolkien walked us into the hobbit hole from the front door to the tube-like hallway with its many coat hooks and polished chairs inviting us to envision the inside of bilbo's comfy little home huck on the other hand didn't really do that in his opening paragraph he just started talking mostly about abstract things like the author the other book you may remember him from and the truth as a general concept huck hadn't invited us into the story world yet the process of simulating the story requires a reader to take up a position relative to the action in order to envision it master storytellers have absolute command over this phenomenon i'll show you what i mean there's a scene early on in moby dick when ishmael the narrator and his polynesian companion queequeg are on the deck of a ferry heading to meet their whaling ship in nantucket the boom gets loose sweeping overboard a young man who had previously been harassing queequag for his appearance then this happens watch melville do work queequag stripped to the waist darted from the side with a long living arc of a leap for three minutes or more he was seen swimming like a dog throwing his long arms straight out before him and by turns revealing his brawny shoulders through the freezing foam i looked at the grand and glorious but saw no one to be saved the greenhorn had gone down shooting himself perpendicularly from the water queequag now took an instance glance around him and seeming to see just how matters were dived down and disappeared a few minutes more and he rose again one arm still striking out and with the other dragging a lifeless form i was first drawn to this passage by the passive construction in the second sentence he was seen swimming like a dog if you look at the other verbs in this paragraph you'll notice that not only are they active verbs they're lively ones at that stripped darted dived rose the passive verb here is to a purpose melville wants the reader on the deck visualizing this scene from afar and you might be tempted to think well of course it's a character narrator the reader has to stay with the narrator but this is melville not so ishmael puts the reader wherever he wants sometimes it's in the officer's mess where a lowly deckhand like ishmael never ventures sometimes it's recounting the events on a whaleboat he wasn't even on there's more than one scene where ahab is alone and ishmael relates ahab's innermost thoughts including one memorable hamlet-like soliloquy with a whale head if ishmael had wanted the reader to participate in the rescue alongside noble queequag that would have been the paragraph i just read no ishmael wants you on the deck of the ferry watching as queequag negotiates the wintry dark waters of the frothing atlantic you belong back on the deck with the rest of the land-loving crew who have no place in those waters melville's giving the reader a sense of the character a man with an almost supernatural familiarity with the sea for which the reader like ishmael should be properly reverent only queequeg has business out there melville keeps you right where he wants you and moves you nowhere else this is a masterclass in managing narrative distance the crux of it done with a single passive construction surrounded by lively action verbs just so there aren't many narrative theorists who have taken on the concept of immersion that feeling you get when you're sucked into the story world fortunately for us the one who has studied this phenomenon in greatest detail is marylor ryan and her observations are illuminating for ryan the key moment in this telepathy game we're playing is when the narrator moves the reader into the story world a moment she calls re-centering she also offers a very useful metaphor for the phenomenon contrasting what she calls telescope perspective with a perspective i'm going to update and call virtual reality perspective when you put on the vr headset and go in telescope perspective is the story world viewed from a great distance as though through the lens of a telescope the characters seem as objects to be viewed from afar you might think of this as that first paragraph from huck finn huck hasn't given us anything to visualize or a place from which to visualize it there's a voice in the distance and a few disconnected disembodied ideas but no re-centering not even a huck yet per se three words could have changed that imagine a river boom you're there but huck didn't do that he kept you out at a distance let's look at a passage of pure telescope perspective and break it down and who better to bring us some telescope perspective than the late great carl sagan who might have stood amongst our finest full-time novelist if it hadn't been for that pesky day job unlocking the mysteries of the universe this comes from the second chapter of contact as sagan's narrator is introducing the college stage version of the protagonist ellie arroway at a time when many of her contemporaries were moving towards shapeless clothing that minimized the distinction between the sexes she aspired to an elegance in simplicity and dress and makeup that strained her limited budget there were more effective ways to make political statements she thought she cultivated a few close friends and made a number of casual enemies who disliked her for her dress for her political and religious views or for the rigor with which she defended her opinions now it's not that i pulled a passage from this chapter out of context to show the one bit of narration from this distance much of this chapter unfolds like this it's certainly not sagan's most poetic bit of prose but still it's not bad writing by a long shot this is merely working a different way laying a foundation for a character that runs deep and because of this groundwork the reader understands ellie more thoroughly as the story evolves this passage treats ellie a lot like an object viewed from a distance the almost clinical way the narrator describes the character from this distance gives the reader a sense of the kind of cool scientific mind ellie makes her observations of the universe with and this is critical to the story telescope narration for a story about an astronomer how perfect there aren't many direct visual cues in this passage perhaps one could visualize their own sense of an elegantly dressed college aged woman but not much else and we're not really there with ellie wherever she is over the course of the passage the disembodied non-character narrator is far more prominent than ellie is and you might have noticed that in contrast to that vivid scene with queequag this passage unfolds over a much longer period it's likely that years of ellie's life are being described in this fragment of a paragraph this is a clue that duration also plays a role in narrative distance in order for a reader to easily re-center and take up a position inside the story world place and time have to permit so elements that are easily visualized as well as a time frame close to the speed of life are going to help ignite the process of re-centering if you want to stay out at a distance as sagan's narrator does here to good effect you should follow the characteristics of the passage we noted a non-character narrator few visual cues to spatial or specific events summary rather than scene and little or no dialogue let's get a little closer now this is the opening from a famous short story by ursula k le guin with a clamor of bells that set the swallows soaring the festival of summer came to the city of omalas right towered by the sea the rigging of the boats in the harbor sparkled with flags in the streets between houses with red roofs and painted walls between old moss-grown gardens and under avenues of trees past great parks and public buildings processions moved some were decorous old people in long stiff robes of mauve and grey grave master workmen quiet merry women carrying their babies and chatting as they walked in other streets the music beat fast a shimmering of gong and tambourine and the people went dancing the procession was a dance the first few sentences here have a similar feel to the hobbit with a narrator that isn't specifically identified introducing a place and a time that seems removed from the telling of the tale it's a beautiful opening sentence that places that city of omalas out there somewhere and gives the reader a few cues to visualize like soaring swallows bright towers and the sea but there isn't specifically a place for the reader's consciousness to take up residence especially as the paragraph progresses the narrator continues to give nice visual cues the boats in the harbor the red tiled roofs the moss covered gardens but they come in such quick succession that the reader doesn't get a chance to stay grounded in a single place for very long the narrator here doesn't really invite the reader on to the scene it's almost like a montage of the town from the outsider's perspective an image of boats a flicker of trees a lingering shot of the processions and a dance in the streets is this telescope perspective maybe not purely but i wouldn't say we've fully zoomed in yet either the duration isn't clear but it certainly isn't years like the sagan excerpt there's also quite a bit to visualize though no specific cues to re-center the reader to a clear place in the story world there's no dialogue and not even a character per se more like a number of figures in the distance to be observed it still seems that the narrator is seeking to present this city as a place to be observed safely from afar le guin's narrator doesn't invite the reader into the story for most of it and then she zooms in at a very specific moment to a very specific purpose if you haven't read this story yet read it find yourself a copy of the ones who walk away from omelas and read it watch ursula do work her treatment of narrative distance in this story is one of the features that makes this a piece of fiction that will endure not many authors can do what she can do in five pages let's get closer for that we're going to need our virtual reality headset ryan contrasted her telescope perspective with the idea of zooming right onto the scene of the action here the story's center of consciousness shifts to the sight of the fictional narrative we get close here's a raymond carver narrator telling us a story of a young couple happening upon a yard sale with no purveyor the entire bedroom set is out on the lawn as they start to get comfortable the seller returns the man came down the sidewalk with a sack from the market he had sandwiches beer whiskey he saw the car in the driveway and the girl on the bed he saw the television set going and the boy on the porch hello the man said to the girl you found the bed that's good hello the girl said and got up i was just trying it out she padded the bed it's a pretty good bed it's a good bed the man said and put down the sack and took out the beer and the whiskey we thought nobody was here the boy said we're interested in the bed and maybe the tv also maybe the desk how much do you want for the bed i was thinking 50 for the bed the man said would you take 40 the girl asked i'll take 40 the man said he took a glass out of the carton he took the newspaper off the glass he broke the seal on the whiskey how about the tv the boy said 25 would you take 15 the girl said 15's ok i could take 15.

[00:13:00]the man said the girl looked at the boy you kids you want a drink the man said glasses in that box i'm gonna sit down on the sofa the man sat on the sofa leaned back and stared at the boy and the girl carver's language is never ornate it's often so plain he's been accused of being a minimalist whatever that means his narrator's cues are certainly enough to get us onto the scene though the man coming down the sidewalk gives the reader a place to start followed quickly by he saw the car in the driveway and the girl on the bed if we were going to pinpoint a moment of re-centering this might be it and the narrator stays centered in this perspective he saw the television set going and the boy on the porch so now the reader has a few cues to begin to put together the story world space the reader can mentally triangulate the three characters from the man's perspective and the scene unfolds from there note that carver's narrator offers specific actions to visualize that break up the dialogue the girl pats the bed the man gets out a glass and cracks open the whiskey the girl and the boy look at each other the dialogue mundane as it may seem also keeps the scene moving along at the speed of life it may very well seem like there isn't much going on here in this place but we're in it we're there with these characters in this place carver's narrator re-centered the reader's consciousness to this story world there are a few things to note again duration is almost perfectly executed to cue scene dialogue and short visual actions while descriptions are limited to the mere presence of objects a bed a car a sack a tv a sofa whiskey beer it's all the reader needs to know to picture these objects the narrator leaves it to the reader to add the details as they see fit could we get closer definitely one thing ryan highlights as a key to deep immersion is the illusion of the narrator's absence in order to truly experience the feeling of getting sucked into a book readers must also forget that they're reading a book at all this means that the very convention of a narrator reminds the reader they're reading a book thereby hindering deep immersion in order to get really close the narrator needs to disappear and carver's narrator doesn't quite do that the repetition in dialogue tags particularly the man said the boy said the girl said the man said this draws attention to the presence of the narrator it also tends to prohibit deep immersion in the story world there's also another important point we'll explore in detail in a couple lessons the reader never gets the perceptions of these characters all the actions described are external and can be observed from the perspective of the imaginary re-centered consciousness on the scene it's almost like we're on this scene watching the characters but we don't get to share in their insights we get hello the girl said and got up instead of the girl saw the man approach watching her as she lay on the bed she felt a tinge of embarrassment wash over her face she quickly sat up and said hello carver's approach is more cinematic than empathic here his narrator doesn't give us any of the character's internal feelings let's look at a narrator who does this is ken keezy's iconic narrator from one flew over the cuckoo's nest the chief he's about to describe the moment nurse ratchet enters the story i'm mopping near the war door when a big key hits it from the other side and i know it's the big nurse by the way the lock works cleave to the key soft and swift and familiar she'd been around locked so long she slides through the door with a gust of cold and locks the door behind her and i see her fingers trail across the polished steel tip of her fingers same color as her lips funny orange like the tip of a soldering iron color so hot or so cold if she touches you with it you can't tell which enter the villain and you're there right mopping the floor with the chief this is on the second page of the book and the reader has already taken up residence with him it's not that kisi's chief is giving the reader perceptions directly he doesn't say he hears the key note the diction i'm mopping near the ward door when a key hits it from the other side and i know it's the big nurse by the way the lock works cleave to the key it's not just that he hears this key he hears it in a way that tells you so much about both characters that he's been there long enough he can tell a newbie from the big nurse from behind a locked door by the sound of the way she handles her keys and that gives you cause to trust his opinion of her which he presents as only the chief could the cold rushes in with her he sees her touching the steel door with her funny orange fingertips like a soldering iron damn and i'm there i'm in it the narrator has totally disappeared into this character and the real world has evaporated this is total re-centering to a fictional universe virtual reality distance achieved so here are some of the tools of virtual reality distance duration should be seen or near to scene dialogue and brief actions help the cause there should be numerous elements to visualize whether objects space or actions details should be brief enough to keep the duration at or near scene but vivid enough to cue a reader to experience internal perceptions or thoughts of the character the narrator should be inconspicuous character narrators are excellent for this because they disappear naturally into their story world so that's the entire spectrum from telescope distance to the virtual reality headspace of one of the characters we'll get into specifics of perspective in a bit when we talk about viewpoint but before i leave this topic there are a few things to say about using these tools ryan concludes her discussion on the matter by putting it this way this experience of being transported onto the narrative scene is so intense and demanding on the imagination that it cannot be sustained for a very long time an important aspect of narrative art consists therefore of varying the distance just as a sophisticated movie will vary the focal length of the camera lens marylor ryan is certainly right about great writer's varying distance ishmael moves the reader right back out to telescope distance after queequag's dramatic rescue in le guin's narrator stays out until it's the exact right time to move the reader in i tend to think that the imagination might be a bit more resilient than ryan seems to give it credit for but even if it is there's something here for a writer to think about say you could move your reader into a character's headspace and keep them locked in that viewpoint with one vivid image after another immersing them in an action-packed story from cover to cover is that the best move there's a video of the great luciano pavarotti giving a master class and i absolutely love it the singer he coaches in this video is wonderful pava sits quietly and as this baritone sings in arya he listens and to the untrained ear the baritone is marvelous a lively powerful brilliant voice without flaw and pavarotti sits there smiling i think because he's enjoying how well the man sings but also because he knows that he could be better when the singer finishes pavarotti praises him genuinely on the way he sang the first verse then pava asks him why he sang the second verse the exact same way the arya repeats but music stays the same pavarotti states the top is fantastic the color of the voice is beautiful except they will tell you after 20 bars beautiful voice now change the color if they don't hear you change the color then then pava shrugs you have to feel for a guy who gets called to a stage in front of hundreds of people to sing verity and be critiqued on it by pavarotti no matter how great his voice and that's it straight from marylor ryan and luciano pavarotti great writers master distance moving their readers in and out at the moments in the story it counts most just like a singer varying the color in his voice sometimes quiet sometimes loud i'll leave you with this from the master can do don't worry you can do don't be afraid even if it's difficult for the first time you don't feel very comfortable you will find your way to do this but you have to do to not escape the problem because it's difficult you have to do amen and bravo pava we miss you big guys [Music] me [Music] no we've never been afraid there's no sense to be made of this [Music] is