Why Confessional Writing Matters: An Exploration of Authenticity

[00:00:00][Music] how would you feel if the world discovered your diary how would you react if your deepest darkest secrets were Suddenly at everyone's disposal you are probably feeling a little uncomfortable right now and creating a step-by-step plan to hibernate from society for maybe a couple of decades or so but what if I told you that writing from a place of such visceral honesty isn't just for the tortured artist out there it is an art form that can bring you self- understanding acceptance even closure if this approach to writing isn't your cup of tea however don't worry you are not alone during my sophomore year of high school my English teacher read a poem I wrote and left a single piece of feedback don't make poetry your diary but for as long as I can remember my writing has been my diary in fact my first writings were scribbled in a sparkl notebook my mother and I picked up at the Justice store with my first initial e on the front cover that book saw some of my deepest ruminations to dat ranging from fickle middle Middle School friendship breakups and stories about superheroes with a shared love of avant guard fashion to not so fickle hopes and dreams for my future even as I developed as a writer throughout High School my titles began getting increasingly personal and diary like take for example Google photos memory of girl who did not want to have her picture taken peeling shrimp because my mind is a chist and my personal favorite hey blank thanks for killing me the problem for me is that my sophomore English teacher isn't alone many teachers critics and institutions have varying opinions on the level of trauma dumping that is acceptable in art but I want to challenge this notion I believe that putting yourself into your writing is a way to allow your audience and you to respond to your art with care with affection with Grace I learned this at a young age when I was in the sixth grade I submitted two poems to the New Yorker about my family vacation to Hawaii I wrote a whole cover letter as you can see and told them why I believed I was a perfect fit for their magazine though I was completely rejected I also received the most beautiful rejection letter of all time which let me tell you as a more tenur writer now that is not something the New Yorker typically does isn't that like the nicest rejection when I first submitted my poems I burdened myself with the expectation of perfection after receiving my rejection I was finally introduced to the idea that writing to impress was ironically less impressive than writing to understand so I revisit this letter whenever I feel like I need a bit of a nudge to stay true to my values of authenticity although disappointment is a natural byproduct of the creative Journey so is appreciation of the process itself which is inevitably a long and hard one writing from this perspective instead is what has allowed me to heal and achieve a greater understanding of my emotions experiences and decisions thank you so much Kevin Yan from The New Yorker you really helped as the daughter of Chinese immigrant parents who also happens to be a chronic oversharer I know all too well the struggle many young artists face when towing the line between sharing our innermost thoughts and keeping up some bail of a privacy so four years ago I created a space for Young Writers and artists to feel comfortable enough to overshare called synthesis Publications synthesis is an online magazine I created in my bedroom before the beginning of high school during the covid-19 pandemic from building the website to receiving hundreds of submission since then we've embraced writers and artists on our staff who break convention our self-referential our meta and are most of all true to themselves clear clearly people need to share people need to feel understood and I know this because we've ACR over 500,000 Impressions across social media and on our website in addition to thousands of comments direct messages and emails with strangers all across the internet asking if they could have their story uploaded to our platform there is my proof that people need a space to be confessional and comfortable in their own skin even after establishing this community of Young Writers and artists like myself I still crave the validation of elite summer writing programs fellowships and Publications whose conventional standards I felt like I could never meet I twisted myself into knots wondering whether my writing was detailed enough but yet still discreet enough to present me in a desirable light in my applications to these programs and magazines I refrained from jumping into the minutia of my memories and emotions as to not come across as too intense or overwhelming but during a workshop the summer before my sophomore year of high school a poetry instructor pushed back on the idea that masking emotions is a stronger approach to writing he noticed a line in a poem of mine where I was writing around what I was mean to say a common habit of many young writers of color whose experiences might be just a bit too visceral to express directly he told me that the true fruit of my art was buried beneath all of the euphemism and complex imagery I utilized his critiques enlighten me to the concept of writing not just being a series of techniques or a measure of craft but more so a catharsis there's a word for this style of writing which favors vulnerability rather than Poise confessionalism life isn't pretty so why should art have to be many of the literary greats that we know of today turn to confessional writing we have Emily Dickinson Robert lell Sylvia Plath an seon and one of the greatest and most prolific writers of Our Generation Taylor Swift all of these writers created remarkable work from the private writing for their own eyes to the enjoyment of an audience equally as compelling as the Poetry itself is how these writers were able to portray their personal lives into their work resonating with the general public let's take Emily Dickinson for example who lived and wrote in seclusion away from the external expectations of literary critics of her time she wrote homes and bound them into small booklets called fical that she stowed away safely or so she thought in a chest after she died Emily had these Diaries her most private muss ripped out of her possession and into the hands of readers for centuries to come Robert LEL was another notable confessional poet who turned to confessional writing as a way to funnel his ambitious reflection he wrote about his criticisms of War and his transition from protestantism to Catholicism so much so that he is said to have been the inspiration behind the entire genre of confessional writing itself although these writers have been rightfully praised they have also been ruthlessly scrutinized given that it had become harder and harder for readers to discern the art from the artist much of this criticism has fallen on female artist female confessional poets are expected by many to write as close and as true to their personal lives as possible yet are reprimanded if they go beyond what makes the general audience comfortable we can see this in the reception of Sylvia Plath who was exceptionally candid in her work and had Garen a reputation for being the quintessential sad girl many still don't view Sylvia Plath through a critical liter lens but instead through a diluted misinterpretation of her Persona as a tragic figure to this day class Legacy is reduced to spectacle and the study of the tortured woman rather than a feat of the truthful depiction of Womanhood and personal struggles in my own poetry I've talked at length about many girlish and womenly subjects whether I'm complaining about this emotional roller coaster called my period you might have heard of it or I'm going on and on about having to fit into the perfect Asian-American daughter archetype but the intention behind bringing up these topics and others derived from my day-to-day life is not to honesty alone but to close the gap between my Persona and personhood too many of us present a facade to the world shutting out the qualities that make us so beautiful L distinct from each other confessional writing is a way for all of us to return to form a version of ourselves that is unburdened by fomo judgment fake Smiles or a role we have to play and when we can portray ourselves authentically in our work we find that those who engage with it have an easier time accepting their true identities too I find confessional writing to be a way to turn the tail of being overd dramatic on its head to share an Insight through transparency plain and simple confession is able to Warrant empathy before hearing my poetry instructor's remarks about how I was writing around what I was meaning to say I thought confessionalism weighed my work down now I realized it has accomplished the completely opposite effect the good writing in me naturally transfers from my fingers to the keyboard in instances of cataclysmic doubt unbridled anger a minor inconvenience I don't write too often when I'm elated but let's save that for another talk if you really think about it writing is the art of talking to yourself outside of your own thoughts don't be ashamed of the intensity in what you write because trust me there is someone out there who has written something equally if not far more dramatic let's take a look at Sylvia pl's poem lady Lazarus in which she writes dying is an art like everything else I do it exceptionally well the beauty of confessionalism is that it invites artists to be too honest too vulnerable too wounded too much when you have no one else to turn to you still do have a method of turning to yourself even if that means staring at a blinking curse for hours on end and I am of course not talking from personal experience recently I wrote a home lamenting the death of my grandmother finally putting into words what took me months to express allowed me to reckon with the fact that I will never see her again in this life yet I know she is still somewhere out there invisible to the Mortal eye cheering me on I titled this home four referencing that when my grandmother passed my four stewards became three as my four stewards became three you count the measures of my brother's humbling silence over the phone I say she flew home the hindsight Left Behind was her gift your permission for n to go with my mother my father my brother Eric and my grandmother I have been stewarded well I have always been the high maintenance baby of the family who looked up to her adult companions for advice and Solace after my mother my grandmother was the first to hold me in her arms after I was born she watched me grow up from our old house a few Towns over learned to understand my broken Mandarin greeted me with fresh snacks every day after school and demonstrated so many other acts of kindness I've tried to replicate in my own life and her example writing about this experience gave what I was what I thought was once fleeting a new forever and closure that is so often elusive as a writer I am frequently asked this one question how do you just sit down and write it's hard for me to answer this question not because I don't know how to accomplish it for myself but because I don't know how to tell others that you simply just have to accept the slew of bad writing that comes before the good when we forbid ourselves from messing up we hit a wall we draw blanks we lose motivation to create we feel extremely guilty about not creating we cave and try to start again but can't and the cycle continues after receiving hundreds of rejections from publication and opportunities I realize that anyone who expects a reward for their writing will never truly enjoy it and the more I have been exposed to the deepest stest secrets of writers who were applauded rather than Des sented for their confessions the more confident I feel with inserting myself into my writing too what makes writing good isn't necessarily the content itself but how the content is portrayed with conviction heart meaning and truth I'm not going to stand here today and say that everyone here is seeking to become a successful writer why because that would go against a key tenant of my talk today honesty what I will say is that it is easier to write if you feel like you have a reason to and I cannot think of a better inclination than to unpack all of the incredibleness and weirdness and maybe for some of us traumatic that is you so what can confessional writing do for you well you need to understand you first remember you are the only person in the world who can give yourself closure confessional writing is a tool that provides Clarity and a sense of belonging because you're are encouraged to write from the heart without shame doubt or fear writing is how I find acceptance with myself and the way things are maybe it's high time for you to pick your middle school diary back up and follow your own example thank you [Applause]