DBT Skills for ADHD: 7 Techniques to Manage Emotions & Focus

[00:00:00]Living with ADHD in this world can make you feel like you're broken. But here's the truth. There's nothing wrong with you. You just need the tools that actually work with your brain. Hi, I'm Dr. Kiki Failing, psychologist, author, and expert in dialectical behavior therapy or DBT. If ADHD is making it hard to manage your emotions, I'm here to help. In this video, I'll be teaching you seven DBT skills for people with ADHD. These skills aren't about fixing you or your ADHD. Instead, they're for coping with the tough parts of being ADHD in a world that is often not set up to support you. I'll talk more about that later, but for now, let's learn some skills.

[00:00:38]Number one, intense exercise. When big ADHD emotions leave you feeling like you might explode, this skill helps you channel that fire. Intense emotions flood your body with stress hormones and energy. If you don't use that energy, it can feel like it just builds up inside you. With ADHD, you're often dealing with intense emotions and hyperactivity, and that's a lot of energy to deal with.

[00:01:01]The DBT skill of intense exercise lets your body do what it wants to do when you're feeling overwhelmed. Move. Shake your body or dance it out. Do air punches, squats, or jumping jacks. Run around the block. Do any kind of exercise that feels good and safe for your body. When you're overwhelmed, it's helpful to aim for 5 to 15 minutes of exercise. But honestly, even 1 minute can make a huge difference as long as you get your heart pumping. The goal is to use up that restless energy in a way that doesn't hurt you or anyone else. A key thing is to make sure that you rest or stretch after you exercise.

[00:01:35]Exercising spikes your heart rate and then it's the cool down that resets your nervous system. When your body calms, your emotions and focus often do, too.

[00:01:45]Number two is distraction with physical sensations. Is your ADHD brain spinning in 12 directions at once? This coping skill gives you something solid to hold on to. When you're overwhelmed, it's easy to get stuck in thought loops.

[00:01:58]Worrying about the future or replaying stressful situations over and over.

[00:02:03]Distraction with physical sensations breaks you out of those spirals by pulling your attention back into your body. You could try putting some hot sauce on your tongue or biting a lemon.

[00:02:12]You could splash cold water on your face, listen to loud music, or smell some essential oils. You could also follow your natural urges to fidget, stomp your feet, or jump up and down.

[00:02:22]Basically, do anything intense that captures your full attention through your physical senses. Just make sure it doesn't hurt your body or push you into sensory overload. The goal is grounding, not chaos. This DBT skill can be helpful when intense emotions make it impossible to focus on anything else. Distracting with physical sensations anchors you into your body, giving you a chance to get out of thought spirals and catch your breath.

[00:02:47]Number three, mindfully observe. If staying focused feels like your ADHD kryptonite, there's some good news. You can actually train your concentration like a muscle. A DBT mindfulness skill called observe is the practice you need.

[00:03:01]It's basically attention training disguised as a coping skill. To mindfully observe means to simply notice what's happening right now in your senses. A lot of stereotypical meditations ask you to sit and watch your breath. These are great, but they can be hard places to start for many ADHDers. Try practicing mindfulness with movement or physical sensations. Go on a walk and focus on your feet hitting the ground. Turn on music and try to focus on the drum beat. Squeeze or toss a stress ball and notice its texture or weight. Just pick something to observe.

[00:03:33]Set a timer for a few minutes and practice. Here's the thing. Mindfulness is not about never getting distracted.

[00:03:40]It's about noticing when you get distracted and then gently bringing your attention back to where you want it to be. Every time you catch your mind wandering, you're actually succeeding.

[00:03:50]You cannot fail at mindfulness because it's a practice. So, keep practicing and be kind to yourself as you do. The more you mindfully observe, the stronger your attention muscles will get. Number four, self- validation. When you feel too sensitive or too much because of your ADHD, this skill can help you better stand up for yourself. People with ADHD get called a lot of judgmental things, and these critical and validating messages can make you feel like there's something wrong with you. You may start to judge yourself, suppressing your emotions or denying your experiences.

[00:04:24]That's where the DBT skill of self- validation comes in. Self- validation is communicating to yourself that your emotions and experiences are understandable. One way to practice is trying to describe for yourself why it makes perfect sense that you feel the way that you feel or that you reacted the way that you reacted. So you could say to yourself, "Of course I feel hurt and frustrated. She called me lazy when I've been trying all morning to get that work done." Or, "Of course I feel exhausted. I've had to sit at a desk all day holding back my urges to fidget."

[00:04:55]Validating something doesn't mean that you don't want to change it. You can validate yourself while still doing work to feel or act differently. But if you feel an emotion, there is always a reason. If you struggle with something, there's always a reason. Self- validation involves finding that reason or just recognizing the fact that there is a reason, even if you can't name it.

[00:05:18]Number five, problem solving. Plot twist, your big ADHD emotions aren't always the problem. Sometimes the problem is the situation you're in. When you have a real issue, like when you're being judged or being forced into situations that don't work for your ADHD brain, emotions like hurt, sadness, or frustration are justified. They're letting you know that there is a problem. In those situations, the best way to change your emotions isn't only to use coping skills. It's to change the problem. The DBT skill of problem solving helps you do that. DBT breaks this down into a few steps. First, know what the actual problem is. What would need to be different for your painful emotion to decrease? Next, get creative.

[00:05:59]Phone a friend and brainstorm possible solutions. Pick the top two and then do pros and cons for each. And finally, choose one solution. Break that solution down into specific action steps if you need and then take your first step towards fixing the problem. The skill can definitely be tricky when you have ADHD, but it also can be very powerful for overcoming ADHD related shame. If you feel shame about your ADHD, I want you to know there's nothing wrong with you. Yes, ADHD may cause you problems, but many of them likely come from there being a bad fit between you and your environment. Problem solving ADHD shame may look like asking for accommodations, finding a more ADHD friendly job, or connecting with more neurode divergent people who affirm you. Problem solving helps outside of this shame with many painful emotions. Of course, you won't always be able to solve the problems causing you stress, but problem solving can still move you from feeling stuck to feeling empowered. It can help you build a life that works with your brain rather than against it. Number six, opposite action. If you have ADHD and it feels like your emotions are driving the car of your life, this skill helps you take back the wheel and build the life you want. Humans evolved emotions because they help us. They give us information and energy that can help us protect ourselves, connect with other people, and get more joy. But sometimes painful emotions misfire. They can get really loud and make us do things that keep them around. You might recognize this pattern. Maybe you've gotten angry and lashed out, which then only caused more conflict and more anger. Or maybe you felt anxiety and shame because of rejection sensitivity, and then you pushed people away or spiraled into self-criticism, which then only made you feel worse. These unhelpful emotional loops are where opposite action comes in. It's an emotion regulation skill from DBT that helps you change unhelpful emotions by doing the opposite of what that emotion makes you want to do. To practice opposite action, ask yourself, what does my emotion make me feel like doing? Then do the opposite and do it all of the way. So, if anger makes you want to snap at someone, opposite action might be saying something nice to them or at least walking away to cool off. If shame and depression make you want to stay in bed all day, opposite action is getting out of bed, doing self-care, or maybe even reaching out to a friend.

[00:08:19]Emotions can be incredibly strong for people with ADHD. Opposite action can be very hard. Start small if you need to and use other DBT skills to help. Every time you act opposite to an unhelpful emotional urge, you teach your brain that you can do hard things. You learn that you can handle strong feelings without being controlled by them. Number seven, accumulating positive emotions when you feel lost or stuck in life.

[00:08:47]This skill helps you find more joy and build a life that works with your ADHD brain. Accumulating positive emotions is an emotion regulation skill from DBT that can help you build emotional resilience. There are two parts to this.

[00:09:01]doing small things every day that give you pleasure right now and working towards valuebased goals that give you joy in the long term. For people with ADHD, accumulating positives means actually letting yourself enjoy your hyperfixations and your special interests rather than feeling guilty about them. So, take time to pursue your passions and your favorite hobbies. Play video games. Go down research rabbit holes. Create art. Move your body. Eat favorite foods. Spend time with friends.

[00:09:28]Do anything that feels good and makes you happy, relaxed, or calm. And then figure out your values and how you can get more of what's meaningful to you.

[00:09:38]Maybe you value nature. Could you work towards getting a job with a climate change nonprofit or going to graduate school for zoology? Or if you value creativity and flexibility, could you work in the arts or fashion? Let yourself do what your brain does best.

[00:09:52]Deep dive and hyperfocus on what interests you most. It's important to spend your life working with your interests and values when possible rather than against them. You could honor your unique place in the world and find communities and causes where your ADHD traits are seen as assets. When you regularly experience both daily pleasure and long-term meaning, you build a life that feels exciting, fulfilling, and joyful. So, there you are. Seven DBT skills for ADHD. Now, let me circle back to what I said at the start of the video. Have you heard of the neurodeiversity movement? It's the fact that people naturally vary in how their brains work and the idea that this diversity is actually beneficial. Some people are starting to view ADHD and some other mental health diagnoses as differences, not deficits. Now, of course, people with ADHD experience problems processing information, controlling impulses, and managing attention. But the ADHD itself is not the problem. The problem is that a lot of the world isn't currently set up for people with ADHD brains to succeed easily. That makes life for people with ADHD much more difficult. Many people with ADHD are happy and healthy because they've created lives that work for them. they've learned or figured out strategies that help them utilize their strengths and accommodate their limitations. DBT skills are one such strategy because they're designed to help people better regulate their emotions, something that a lot of ADHDers struggle with. Decades of research show that DBT skills can help with anxiety, depression, and other mental health difficulties. The cool thing is that this video is just an introduction. These seven skills can be really helpful for ADHD, but there are dozens of DBT skills. I teach many of them in my other videos and in my books if you want to learn more. But DBT skills can be tricky to learn on your own. And full DBT involves much more than just skills. So if you continue to struggle with difficulties related to your ADHD, finding a licensed therapist who understands ADHD specifically may be really helpful. For help finding a therapist, check out recovery.com or the other resources listed in the description below. Thanks for watching.