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Features

IFS Therapy Demonstration: Complete Session with Unburdening

Added: 2026-08-18

Deep Dive

Understanding of the core IFS model structure, specifically the distinctions between the Self and the three main types of parts: Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters.

Introduction to IFS Therapy by Dr. Richard Schwartz: Core Principles

Introduction to IFS Therapy by Dr. Richard Schwartz: Core Principles

The IFS model identifies three main types of parts working within the mind. Exiles are vulnerable parts wounded during childhood that carry burdens of extreme beliefs and emotions; when triggered, they produce overwhelming raw emotions pulling us back into painful scenes. Manager protectors try to prevent anything bad from happening again by controlling our lives—keeping people at certain distances, making us look perfect, pushing us to achieve high levels, or making us take care of everyone else. Firefighter protectors stand by waiting for emergencies when exiles' emotions burst forth, trying to extinguish them through getting us high, distracting us, or taking us out of control entirely. Beneath all parts lies an inherent Self with qualities of calm, confidence, clarity, curiosity, compassion, courage, and creativity. This Self is present in everyone and cannot be damaged—it can be accessed quickly through therapeutic work. Unlike attachment theory suggesting these qualities must come from good parenting, the Self exists independently and is recognized across spiritual traditions.

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Chuyên đề 1: HIỂU MÌNH ĐỂ CHỮA LÀNH – MỘT HÀNH TRÌNH ĐỨC TIN - Nt Têrêsa Minh Thúy |Tiến sĩ Tâm lý

Chuyên đề 1: HIỂU MÌNH ĐỂ CHỮA LÀNH – MỘT HÀNH TRÌNH ĐỨC TIN - Nt Têrêsa Minh Thúy |Tiến sĩ Tâm lý

34.5K

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a psychological approach developed by Richard Schwartz that views the human mind as a system of multiple parts. Each person has different parts within themselves that can be in conflict, causing difficulties and obstacles. The model includes: (1) The Self (core self) - the authentic identity that is inherently good; (2) Managers - parts that organize and control life, driven by fear of failure or abandonment; (3) Firefighters - parts that react strongly when triggered to extinguish emotional pain; (4) Exiles - wounded parts containing traumatic memories and pain from childhood experiences. Managers develop from childhood experiences where children were punished or had their needs suppressed. Firefighters protect the core self by distracting from pain or numbing emotions. Both parts serve protective functions but may use unhealthy methods. Understanding these parts helps individuals recognize their automatic responses and make conscious choices about how to respond to situations.

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Internal Family Systems & Trauma – Dr Richard Schwartz, PhD

Internal Family Systems & Trauma – Dr Richard Schwartz, PhD

162.8K

IFS is built on three foundational principles. First, everyone has multiple parts as a natural feature of the human mind, not pathology—these parts contain valuable resources but become frozen in traumatic time periods. Second, trauma injects extreme beliefs and emotions that attach to parts like viruses; the key distinction is that parts are not the burden—they are simply carrying something that can be expelled through unburdening. Third, the Self is an innate quality present in everyone that represents core leadership capacity, capable of healing both internally and externally. The Self emerges spontaneously when parts open space, revealing qualities of curiosity, calm, confidence, compassion, courage, creativity, connectedness, and clarity—the eight C's of self-leadership. This represents a fundamentally different view of human nature than most psychotherapies, which typically see a veneer of civilized aspects containing primitive impulses.

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S4 Episode 4: No Bad Parts with Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS Founder

S4 Episode 4: No Bad Parts with Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS Founder

3.3K

This segment explains the core paradigm of IFS and how it differs from traditional psychology. IFS is a psychotherapy that has become more than that - it's become a kind of life practice and a different paradigm for understanding the mind. It says we're not unitary minds but have these little subpersonalities inside us that have a lot of autonomy. What we call thinking is often them talking to each other trying to figure out the best path forward. This is good - it's good to be a multiple personality, not to have that disorder. People with multiple personality disorder are no different than us except that because of horrible trauma they suffered, their parts got blown apart with amnesic barriers between them. The basic assumption is that we're born multiple and it's a good thing because all these parts are valuable - it wouldn't be anything in us that wasn't here to help us. Traumas and attachment injuries force parts out of their naturally valuable states into roles that can be quite destructive but maybe necessary back when the trauma occurred. Some parts are pretty young - inner children that before they got hurt were delightful, playful, open, loving, and creative. They're the most sensitive parts and get hurt the most. They pick up what Dr. Schwartz calls the burden of worthlessness, terror, or emotional pain. Once burdened and frozen in the time of the trauma, they have the power to overwhelm us with those feelings. We almost naturally try to lock exiled parts away inside and spend our lives trying to keep them contained and stay away from them, thinking we're just moving on from the trauma. When you have a bunch of exiles, you feel more delicate and the world's more dangerous. Many things could trigger those exiles and they would burst out and overwhelm you. Other parts are forced into protector roles - some become managers trying to manage your external life so you don't get triggered. Manager parts tend to be in your head, trying to scan for danger and control how you are in the world so you please people. They're what's called the ego or defenses in other systems. There's another set of protectors called firefighters who wait around to see if an exile gets triggered. If it does, that protector immediately goes into action to get you higher than the flames of emotion or douse them with some substance or distract you until they burn themselves out. In contrast to managers who try to keep everything under control, firefighters take you out of control and piss off everybody. There's somebody else in there - the Self. When Dr. Schwartz asks clients who is that, they say that's not a part like these others, that's me, that's myself. He came to call the Self for capital S. The Self has wonderful qualities of calm, confidence, curiosity, and compassion - the eight C's of self-leadership: creativity, courage, clarity, and connectedness. The Self knows how to relate to the parts in a healing way and has these wonderful qualities. When Dr. Schwartz asks clients who is that, they say that's not a part like these others, that's me, that's myself. He came to call the Self for capital S. Now 40 years later, we can safely say that this person is in everybody, can't be damaged, knows how to heal, and is just beneath the surface of these parts.

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Episode 9: Conversation with Alanis Morissette & Richard Schwartz

Episode 9: Conversation with Alanis Morissette & Richard Schwartz

38.7K

IFS identifies four main types of internal parts: Managers (protective parts that try to control and organize the system), Protectors (parts that defend against perceived threats), Firefighters (parts that try to regulate emotional overwhelm through various means, sometimes destructive), and Exiles (vulnerable, wounded parts carrying trauma from childhood). True self represents the core essential self that exists within everyone, regardless of their history or psychological state. It embodies qualities of calmness, compassion, curiosity, clarity, courage, creativity, confidence, and connectivity. Unlike self-like parts (formerly called pseudo-self) that have agendas and righteousness, true self has no agenda and simply desires to produce healing and harmony.

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Deep Dive

Familiarity with the concept of 'Self-Energy' and the 8 Cs (Compassion, Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, etc.) that represent the undamaged core of the individual.

8 C's of Self | Internal Family Systems Therapy Self-Energy

8 C's of Self | Internal Family Systems Therapy Self-Energy

2K

Internal Family Systems Therapy identifies eight key qualities of self-energy—Clarity, Compassion, Courage, Confidence, Curiosity, Creativity, Calm, and Connectedness—that represent states of the open heart; these qualities can be recognized and deepened through practice, with compassion serving as the primary doorway to ultimate liberation and healing, while curiosity acts as entry-level compassion that naturally leads to heart-opening understanding.

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Dealing With Your Inner Critic and Inner Child - Richard Schwartz - Smart Couple 182

Dealing With Your Inner Critic and Inner Child - Richard Schwartz - Smart Couple 182

40.4K

The self in IFS is an undamaged core within every person that knows how to relate with compassion internally and externally. It is characterized by eight qualities beginning with 'C': Curiosity, Calm, Compassion, Confidence, Clarity, Courage, Creativity, and Connectedness. These qualities represent the self's natural state when not fused with or overwhelmed by parts. The self possesses innate compassion for parts and recognizes that parts who seem like enemies are actually wounded and trying to protect us. This self-leadership represents a place where one can relate to oneself and others with wisdom and healing capacity, serving as the foundation for all IFS work.

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Embracing Our Inner Selves w/ Internal Family Systems | Seth Allison | The Bigger Picture Podcast

Embracing Our Inner Selves w/ Internal Family Systems | Seth Allison | The Bigger Picture Podcast

6.4K

Self energy is a distinct state characterized by eight qualities called the Eight C's: Curious, Compassionate, Confident, Creative, Calm, Clear, Connected, and Calm. These qualities can exist on a spectrum from 1 to 100. When we are blended with parts, we cannot access these qualities. Self energy is not all-or-nothing but can be more or less present. Parts can contain elements of self energy and may blend with us without us realizing it.

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The Power of IFS to Heal Trauma - No Bad Parts Book Summary by Richard Schwartz

The Power of IFS to Heal Trauma - No Bad Parts Book Summary by Richard Schwartz

101.4K

The Self in IFS can be characterized by eight qualities called the 'C's of self-energy: Calm (not stressed or reactive), Curious (open-minded and interested), Compassionate (kind and caring), Clear (able to see situations and parts for what they are), Confident (trusts its own ability to lead), Courageous (willing to speak truth and face pain), Creative (resourceful and not rigid), and Connected (feels sense of connectedness to self, others, and internal world). These qualities represent the natural state of the Self and are always present, even when trauma has fragmented the system.

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Chuyên đề 1: HIỂU MÌNH ĐỂ CHỮA LÀNH – MỘT HÀNH TRÌNH ĐỨC TIN - Nt Têrêsa Minh Thúy |Tiến sĩ Tâm lý

Chuyên đề 1: HIỂU MÌNH ĐỂ CHỮA LÀNH – MỘT HÀNH TRÌNH ĐỨC TIN - Nt Têrêsa Minh Thúy |Tiến sĩ Tâm lý

34.5K

According to IFS, the healthy core self possesses eight characteristics known as the Eight C's: Curiosity (willingness to explore and learn), Compassion (capacity for unconditional love and care), Calmness (ability to remain peaceful under stress), Courage (willingness to face challenges), Clarity (clear thinking and perception), Creativity (ability to generate new ideas and solutions), Confidence (belief in one's abilities), and Connection (capacity for meaningful relationships). These qualities are inherent in the core self but may be suppressed or damaged by trauma and need to be nurtured and developed. Compassion is the capacity for unconditional love and care for others, which is an inherent quality of the core self. Research shows that even young children demonstrate natural compassion without being taught. Calmness is the ability to remain peaceful and centered under stress, which allows for clear thinking and effective responses.

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Deep Dive

Knowledge of the '6 Fs' process (Find, Focus, Flesh out, Feel toward, Befriend, Fear) used to safely approach and work with protective parts.

Intermediate Parts Work Meditation | 6 F's (IFS) Find, Focus, Flesh it Out, Feel, beFriend and Fear

Intermediate Parts Work Meditation | 6 F's (IFS) Find, Focus, Flesh it Out, Feel, beFriend and Fear

1.2K

This intermediate parts work meditation guides practitioners through the 6 F's framework (Find, Focus, Flesh it Out, Feel, beFriend, and Fear) to connect with protective parts of the psyche. The practice begins with grounding through breath and body awareness, then moves to identifying an activated part, exploring its characteristics and needs, and understanding its fears. The framework emphasizes that there is no wasted effort in self-awareness and that parts work is a process of accumulating data about one's internal landscape. Practitioners are encouraged to be patient, honest about their feelings toward parts, and to create space for Self Energy to emerge through compassionate curiosity.

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Протокол 6 шагов (6Fs)

Протокол 6 шагов (6Fs)

3.1K

The 6Fs Protocol (6 шагов) is a foundational IFS technique consisting of six sequential steps: Find (locate the part), Focus (attend to the part's sensation), Flesh out (make the part concrete and three-dimensional), Feel (check for Self energy presence), Befriend (develop relationship between Self and part), and Fear (explore the part's fears). This protocol helps clients establish trust with their parts, particularly protectors, and gain permission to work with vulnerable wounded parts. The therapist's role is to facilitate the process while adapting their involvement based on the client's system stability.

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To Forgive or Not to Forgive: Releasing the Pain of Emotional Trauma

To Forgive or Not to Forgive: Releasing the Pain of Emotional Trauma

1.2K

The Six Fs are the foundational steps in Internal Family Systems therapy for working with protective parts: 1) Find the part, 2) Focus on the part, 3) Flesh out the part (explore its experience), 4) Befriend the part (establish a relationship of trust), 5) Find out its fear (understand what the part is protecting against), and 6) Heal the part (address the underlying wound). These steps are essential for preparing to work with wounded parts or Exiles in the IFS model.

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Treating BPD With IFS: A Gentle & Compassionate Approach To Healing

Treating BPD With IFS: A Gentle & Compassionate Approach To Healing

3.4K

IFS therapy employs six key processes to restore connection to self: Find (identify where parts feel in the body), Focus (describe what the part looks like visually), Flesh out (understand the part's story, origin, and fears), Befriend (build relationship with curiosity and compassion), Figure out what the part fears if it stops doing its job, and Get the part to let self lead. This process requires repeated relationship-building over time as parts initially don't trust the therapist or self-energy. Befriending parts involves recognizing if approaching parts with self-energy (curiosity, sadness, desire to understand) or with another part (judgment, hatred). A key technique involves asking parts what they fear if they stop doing their job, revealing underlying fears driving their protective behavior. Every part has good intentions even when they cause harm—they are trying to keep us safe. Expressing gratitude and compassion for the part's hard work builds trust and transforms how parts relate to the system. Successful treatment leads to wounded parts becoming less active and distressed, better able to let self lead, with individuals responding to the world with courage and clarity rather than volatile emotions.

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How To Handle Your Demons | Richard Schwartz

How To Handle Your Demons | Richard Schwartz

19.6K

The six steps for working with parts are: (1) Focus on the part in your body, (2) Find it by locating its energy or voice, (3) Feel toward it—acknowledge your initial reactions, (4) Befriend it by expressing appreciation and curiosity, (5) Explore its fears and burdens, and (6) Follow through by helping it unburden and transform. This process helps you develop a warm, curious relationship with parts that previously seemed hostile.

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Deep Dive

Basic understanding of internal polarization, where different protective parts clash or compete within the client's internal system.

Internal Family Systems And Trauma Explained

Internal Family Systems And Trauma Explained

68.4K

Polarizations are extremely common in trauma survivors and occur when two protective parts are in conflict with each other despite both trying to protect the same exiles. For example, a perfectionist part might manage emotional distress by counting calories and monitoring macros, while a binge eating part manages the same distress by overeating and dissociating. This polarization creates upset and frustration for all involved parts because the protective parts don't trust each other even though they share the same protective goal.

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IFS Therapist Explains Internal Conflict and How to Resolve It: Polarization #internalfamilysystems

IFS Therapist Explains Internal Conflict and How to Resolve It: Polarization #internalfamilysystems

4.1K

Internal polarization occurs when two protector parts within us have opposing intentions to protect the same vulnerable exile part, creating internal conflict where one part may want to strive for achievement while another wants to procrastinate to avoid failure; resolution requires listening to all parts, healing the underlying wounds that cause the protectors to over-respond, and allowing them to soften their protective energy so we can make decisions from a place of self-energy rather than fear-based protection.

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What is Internal Polarization?

What is Internal Polarization?

291

Internal polarization occurs when different parts of your psyche hold opposing views or conflicting feelings about the same situation, creating inner tension; Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy addresses this by encouraging curiosity and non-judgmental listening toward these conflicting parts, helping you recognize that each part has valid reasons for its perspective and often shares the same underlying goal, ultimately working toward harmony so these parts can collaborate rather than conflict with each other.

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Dick Schwartz IFS and Trauma 3 of 4

Dick Schwartz IFS and Trauma 3 of 4

41K

Parts often become polarized, with some parts hating or being terrified of other parts. This polarization creates internal conflict and dysfunction. Understanding this dynamic helps clients recognize that their internal conflicts are not about right and wrong but about different parts with different protective functions. This understanding reduces blame and increases compassion.

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Darika Part 3: Example of Act 5 - Shaming Others

Darika Part 3: Example of Act 5 - Shaming Others

564

Parts within a person often exist in polarized pairs, such as angry/warrior parts and passive doormat parts. Angry parts may be trying to pull in an equal and opposite direction from passive parts, creating internal conflict. These parts are valuable protectors that provide self-agency and loyalty, but they can become extreme when countering other extreme parts. The solution is not to eliminate angry parts but to help them become less extreme by healing the vulnerable parts they protect. When clients can access and heal these underlying vulnerabilities, their protective parts no longer need to be so extreme.

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Anxiety & Worth

Core Wound

Meeting the Child

Old Protectors

Releasing Burden

Unburdening

Integration

Anxiety & Worth

4:12

Playing Section

1
Client's anxiety centers on losing productivity.
2
A 'punch in the gut' fear emerges about a canceled schedule.
3
This feeling connects to a deeper sense of self-worth.

Deep Dive

Advanced integration techniques to help newly unburdened exile parts adopt healthy qualities and assist former protectors in transition to constructive roles.

IFS als Therapie 5 - Der Entlastungs-Prozess für Verbannte - Internal Family Systems

IFS als Therapie 5 - Der Entlastungs-Prozess für Verbannte - Internal Family Systems

3K

After unburdening, exiles can integrate into the system as healthy parts. The qualities they previously carried may transform into positive qualities like self-confidence. Exiles who were frozen at a certain age may suddenly mature and develop adult qualities. They can take on new roles as active, healthy parts of the inner system. After exile healing, protectors should be contacted to inform them of the changes. Practitioners ask if protectors still need to fulfill their roles, and most respond that they no longer need to work so hard. They may take on new roles, take a pause, or find new purposes.

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IFS Therapy Intro 6 - Exile Work in depth

IFS Therapy Intro 6 - Exile Work in depth

16.8K

Integration occurs when the Exile, after unburdening, returns to its natural positive qualities and takes its rightful place as a healthy part. This brings natural happiness, joy, and aliveness. The protector that was protecting the Exile then realizes the Exile is healed and can release its role. The protector transforms into a healthier part, such as a part that signals when rest is needed rather than one that causes problems. This transformation allows the person to live based on new possibilities rather than old protective patterns. The complete IFS process moves from identifying the problem part through witnessing, reparenting, retrieving, unburdening, and integration, enabling healthy living based on natural capacities rather than pain protection.

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Unburdening Exiles (with Case Study) - Part 4 - Internal Family System Therapy Techniques

Unburdening Exiles (with Case Study) - Part 4 - Internal Family System Therapy Techniques

3.7K

This section covers integration after unburdening, which involves making sure changes have a chance to land. The presenter explains integration has two elements: integrating the qualities that have emerged and integrating the protectors who witnessed the change. The presenter emphasizes allowing time for integration, checking with protectors about whether they still need to do their job, and following up in subsequent sessions. The section demonstrates how protectors can relax and become smaller when exiles are no longer worthless, while still being available if needed.

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Internal Family Systems & Trauma – Dr Richard Schwartz, PhD

Internal Family Systems & Trauma – Dr Richard Schwartz, PhD

162.8K

The healing process for exile parts involves several steps: First, getting protectors to grant permission to work with exiles. Second, approaching the exile part compassionately and witnessing what happened during trauma from a place of Self. Third, helping the exile feel fully understood and validated. Fourth, inviting the exile to release the extreme beliefs and emotions it carries, often through ritualized processes like imagining releasing them to elements (light, water, fire, wind, earth). Fifth, inviting new positive qualities to replace the old burdens. Finally, bringing other parts back to see they no longer need to protect the healed exile, allowing them to take on new, more adaptive roles.

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Entlasten von Verbannten - Teil 4 - Internal Family System Therapie Techniken

Entlasten von Verbannten - Teil 4 - Internal Family System Therapie Techniken

2.4K

This section explains the integration phase, which involves two components: integrating the positive qualities that emerge when exiles release their burdens, and integrating the protector parts that have been relieved of their protective role. The presenter describes how new qualities often emerge when exiles release their burdens, and how protector parts may then recognize that their protective role is no longer necessary. The presenter uses the case example where the client's protector (the 'hot head') recognized that the exile was no longer weak and worthlessness, and thus could relax and become smaller. The presenter emphasizes that this integration requires ongoing follow-up to ensure sustainable change.

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Deep Dive

Identification and management of 'Therapist Parts' to ensure the clinician remains in a state of Self-leadership during intense clinical encounters.

IFS and the Window of Tolerance with Richard Schwartz and Michelle Glass

IFS and the Window of Tolerance with Richard Schwartz and Michelle Glass

3.8K

Therapists must stay in Self even when clients trigger their parts. This requires doing work with their own parts to know how to sense when a part's getting triggered and ask it to wait. Self is contagious—when therapists stay in Self, it vibrates with calm and clarity, helping the client's Self vibrate and protectors sense safety. However, parts are also contagious because their extremes trigger the therapist's parts. Dual awareness is key: therapists experience being both in the moment with the client and in the client's internal world at the same time. This happens when there's enough Self present. The therapist can hear something new while remaining calm alongside the intensity. Blending lies on a continuum—therapists can invite clients to notice how it feels when fully blended versus when allowing Self to be present.

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Self-Like Parts & IFS with Mel Galbraith of IFSCA

Self-Like Parts & IFS with Mel Galbraith of IFSCA

1.2K

Therapists naturally have self-like parts that emerge when clients struggle, such as caretakers wanting to help or managers wanting to stop pain. These parts often developed from childhood experiences where caregiving maintained connection. When these parts activate during sessions, they interfere with attunement to the client system. A key indicator that therapist parts are active is when the therapist feels like they're trying to make something happen rather than holding space. This energetic feeling signals helper, manager, or fixer parts have entered. When therapists try to push clients toward change using their own agenda, it triggers defensive responses in both systems, reducing trust and safety. The solution involves recognizing these parts, validating their intentions, and returning to self-energy.

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Lo que realmente sana en terapia. No es lo que dices, es tu Self

Lo que realmente sana en terapia. No es lo que dices, es tu Self

145

Protective parts in the internal system are of two types: managers and firefighters. Managers are proactive parts that help people get out of bed, be punctual, complete work, and care for others. Firefighters are reactive parts that activate when damage has already occurred, such as self-harm, binge eating, or addictions. Both types serve protective functions for the system, even when their methods seem harmful. Therapists can recognize when protective parts are activated by identifying disproportionate responses to situations. Therapists themselves also have parts that can become activated during sessions, including parts that want to care, fear failure, demand perfection, or feel insecure. These parts must be kept in check to effectively help patients. The self state enables therapists to help patients achieve the same state. The key insight is that therapists don't need to eliminate their parts but must integrate and accept them with compassion. Understanding that everything has a reason and that parts serve protective functions, even when they seem harmful, brings peace and enables more effective therapeutic work.

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S4 Episode 4: No Bad Parts with Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS Founder

S4 Episode 4: No Bad Parts with Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS Founder

3.3K

This segment explores self-leadership and how to build trust with parts. Dr. Schwartz describes how after many years, his parts tend to trust him and let him stay in Self. He can check markers to see how much Self he's in - asking how open his heart is, if he has a big agenda (which would be a part), or if he just wants to be present, stay curious, and open. Any departure from these qualities means there's a part. He describes his practice: he notices when a part is present and asks it to give him a little space. He feels a very visceral palpable shift as the parts energy unblends, then feels more of those Self qualities in his body. He can't remember the original question but describes this as an active practice that many people now do. He describes how after many years, his parts tend to trust him and let him stay in Self. He can check markers to see how much Self he's in - asking how open his heart is, if he has a big agenda (which would be a part), or if he just wants to be present, stay curious, and open. Any departure from these qualities means there's a part.

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IFS Complete Unburdening Session

IFS Complete Unburdening Session

62.2K

Before beginning therapeutic work, the therapist performs a self-check-in with their own parts to ensure presence and availability. This involves acknowledging distracted parts (like techie parts concerned about video quality) and asking them to pull back. The therapist also checks in with their body (feet on floor, bum on seat) and breath, creating a foundation of presence before engaging with the client. The therapist acts as a 'parts detective' by listening for qualifiers (words like 'maybe,' 'I'm not sure,' 'just a little') that indicate the presence of a part. When a part is identified, the therapist acknowledges it and asks permission to work with it. The therapist emphasizes that the client's system determines the safety of the work, and nothing shared in session will be required to be shared afterward.

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Deep Dive

Clinical application of the IFS model to specialized and complex clinical issues, such as eating disorders, addiction, and severe dissociation.

[FREE] Clinical Applications of Internal Family Systems Therapy

[FREE] Clinical Applications of Internal Family Systems Therapy

6.3K

Clinical application of IFS involves understanding how parts interact in complex, interconnected systems. When working with one part, other connected parts often interfere because parts relate to each other like family members. Therapists must distinguish between a part's positive intention and the negative impact of its strategy—for example, a manager part criticizing to prevent future hurt versus the self-esteem damage caused by that criticism. When protectors resist allowing self-compassion, it often indicates the system isn't yet safe enough; staying with resistant protectors and forming respectful relationships helps them understand why they don't feel safe. The goal is helping parts return to their preferred roles while healing the underlying wounds that caused them to become extreme. Significant life events can trigger exile activation depending on whether the person has support, can feel their pain, and has social connection. IFS can complement CBT approaches by connecting directly with the part holding core beliefs, allowing changes to occur organically through relationship-based healing rather than competing beliefs being overlaid.

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IFS and Eating Disorders with Tiffany Morgan

IFS and Eating Disorders with Tiffany Morgan

3.7K

Applying IFS principles in clinical practice requires clinicians to stay in Self-energy rather than operating from therapist parts with agendas to fix clients. Working with eating disorder parts means inviting them to participate in healing rather than pushing them away. Clinicians should use part language, offer creative expression options, and recognize when their own fear parts are interfering with treatment. The approach involves curiosity about what the eating disorder part is trying to protect against, patience with the healing timeline, and understanding that eating disorder behaviors are typically not suicidal gestures but protective responses to perceived threats. Parents benefit from finding their own IFS therapists to heal their scared parts before engaging with their child's eating disorder parts.

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[FREE] Clinical Applications of Internal Family Systems Therapy

[FREE] Clinical Applications of Internal Family Systems Therapy

1.2K

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an empirically validated psychotherapy model that helps clients with the full range of clinical concerns. The model is characterized by its simplicity and intuitiveness, with concepts that are easy to understand without extensive jargon. IFS is comprehensive, incorporating elements from many other therapeutic approaches including mindfulness, emotion focus, body awareness, therapeutic relationship, attachment theory, hypnotic states, systems thinking, loving kindness, and spiritual elements. The model is non-pathologizing and compassionate, helping clients relate to themselves with compassion rather than judgment.

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Terapia de Sistema de Familia Interna (IFS) / Conceptos básicos, Modelo terapéutico y Ejemplo

Terapia de Sistema de Familia Interna (IFS) / Conceptos básicos, Modelo terapéutico y Ejemplo

1.2K

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model presents the human mind as containing multiple subpersonalities or parts, each with unique perspectives, emotions, beliefs, and behaviors. This multiplicity is natural and functional, enabling diverse responses to situations. Parts often assume extreme roles due to trauma or emotional wounds, carrying burdens of intense emotions and difficult memories. Despite challenging behaviors, every part has positive intentions—seeking to protect, help, or satisfy needs. The internal parts form a complex system resembling a family with alliances, hierarchies, and conflicts. Changes in the internal system influence external relationships, creating interdependence. The IFS therapeutic model identifies and addresses multiple subpersonalities, focusing on healing wounded parts and restoring mental balance. The therapeutic process involves six steps: identifying parts, accessing the Self, understanding protectors, developing trust, working with exiles to release trauma, and transforming protectors. A case study demonstrates this with Ana, a 30-year-old with social anxiety, who identifies three parts (Critic, Exile, Firefighter). Through accessing the Self and dialogue, she heals her parts, achieving balance and improved relationships.

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Multiplicity of the Mind: An Approach To Healing the Inner Self | Dr. Richard Schwartz X Rich Roll

Multiplicity of the Mind: An Approach To Healing the Inner Self | Dr. Richard Schwartz X Rich Roll

312.5K

IFS provides transformative approaches to common psychological conditions. In addiction, the framework understands addictive behaviors as firefighter parts flaring up to dissociate from pain, rather than viewing addicts as weak individuals needing control. The IFS alternative involves listening to and honoring these parts, understanding what they're trying to protect, and helping them transition to new roles. In depression, IFS identifies patterns involving exiled hurt parts, numbing manager parts, and critical voices, transforming treatment by revealing inner dynamics rather than treating depression as a separate disorder. In relationships, IFS helps partners recognize when they're reacting from protective parts rather than their true selves, and encourages each person to become their own primary caretaker for their wounded parts, freeing relationships to function more authentically.

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Deep Dive

Comparative analysis of integrating IFS with other trauma-informed modalities, such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, or attachment-based therapies.

IFS and EMDR - Daphne Fatter, Ph.D. Interview January 2026

IFS and EMDR - Daphne Fatter, Ph.D. Interview January 2026

Integrating Internal Family Systems (IFS) with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) creates a powerful therapeutic approach for complex trauma recovery by combining IFS's focus on parts work and the self with EMDR's brain-oriented reprocessing techniques. This integration allows therapists to first establish protector consent and build self-energy through IFS befriending techniques before proceeding to EMDR reprocessing, which can help clients who get stuck during traditional EMDR protocols. The non-linear nature of both modalities enables therapists to move flexibly between phases, using IFS concepts at any stage of EMDR treatment. This approach is particularly valuable for clients with dissociative parts, complex trauma histories, or those who struggle to access their self during therapy.

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TAP93 - David Polidi - IFS and EMDR integrated

TAP93 - David Polidi - IFS and EMDR integrated

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Integrating IFS (Internal Family Systems) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) creates a comprehensive therapeutic approach where therapists first identify and work with protector parts to gain permission before processing exiled trauma memories, using the Syzygy Model's tripartite framework of protector, exile, and self-energy to facilitate memory reconsolidation and healing.

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EMDR + IFS PARTS Protocol an EMDRIA Approved Integration Training with Dr. Kendhal Hart

EMDR + IFS PARTS Protocol an EMDRIA Approved Integration Training with Dr. Kendhal Hart

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Integrating Internal Family Systems (IFS) with EMDR therapy provides a compassionate, permission-focused approach that addresses the protective systems and barriers that often prevent clients with complex trauma from engaging in Phase Four reprocessing, making it particularly effective for clients with attachment-based trauma or well-protected systems.

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LYB401 - Niklas Thrane: Det Fælles ved Alle Traumeterapier - 2 timers Special - Video Version

LYB401 - Niklas Thrane: Det Fælles ved Alle Traumeterapier - 2 timers Special - Video Version

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Somatic Experiencing (SE) therapy involves first helping clients establish positive somatic experiences before approaching trauma material. The approach treats attention like a canvas, first painting with positive sensations before introducing potentially overwhelming trauma material. Effective trauma therapy involves gradual exposure to trauma material - taking small 'drops' of trauma at a time while maintaining connection to positive somatic experiences. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy works with different parts of the self, including vulnerable exiled parts and protective parts. By helping clients locate and engage with specific parts in their body, therapists create distance from overwhelming trauma material. EMDR uses bilateral stimulation to help attention engage with trauma material without being captured by it, engaging the orienting response to prevent complete absorption.

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Integrating IFS & EMDR for Trauma Recovery with Dr. Daphne Fatter

Integrating IFS & EMDR for Trauma Recovery with Dr. Daphne Fatter

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Integrating Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) creates a powerful approach for complex trauma recovery by combining IFS's consensual, parts-based methodology with EMDR's structured reprocessing protocol. The integration involves using IFS techniques like parts mapping and befriending during EMDR Phase 2 (resource development) to build client readiness, obtain systemic consent from all parts, and ensure self-connection before transitioning to trauma reprocessing. This flexible, model-integrated approach allows clinicians to tailor treatment to each client's unique needs, balancing EMDR's protocol-driven structure with IFS's emphasis on internal self-leadership and part-by-part healing.

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Anxiety & Worth

Core Wound

Meeting the Child

Old Protectors

Releasing Burden

Unburdening

Integration

Anxiety & Worth

4:12

Playing Section

1
Client's anxiety centers on losing productivity.
2
A 'punch in the gut' fear emerges about a canceled schedule.
3
This feeling connects to a deeper sense of self-worth.

95.9K views1.5K53:11@IFSCAOriginal Release: 2021-01-13

This video demonstrates a complete Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy session featuring an unburdening process. The therapist models the IFS approach by first identifying and acknowledging different parts of the client's internal system, including a productive part that drives busyness and achievement, a protective part that creates anxiety about not being productive, and an exile part that carries childhood wounds about feeling like a burden and not being important. The therapist guides the client through connecting with the exile, understanding its origin (feeling like a burden to teenage parents), and facilitating the release of these burdens. The session concludes with the client experiencing a shift in how they relate to non-productive moments, demonstrating how unburdening can transform core beliefs about self-worth and productivity.

[00:00:11]i was excited that you asked me to do it right good okay so i'm just because um an aspect of this is modeling for other uh therapists i'm just gonna check what's going on for me normally i'll do this internally but i'll do it externally so um people are clear on what i'm doing so there's a part of me that's um nervous that doesn't usually happen why is it nervous oh there's a part that wants to get this right and really wants us to be helpful for people so okay got it you see he can pull back a bit that's good what else is going on inside not a lot yeah i'm feeling pretty calm feeling pretty good ready to start i have a part that's aware i have a snoring dog in the background but i hope that's not gonna be this welcome [Laughter] and otherwise we're good oh no there's another part that's reminding me um where i'm sitting sometimes birds flip by outside or a squirrel runs up a tree and so you may notice my eye contact briefly flipping when that happens it doesn't mean i'm not attending to you uh if you notice it it's just that's what's going on okay so i like a lot of attention though so i don't know okay if the triggers apart just let me know okay there we go yeah all right so how are you doing are you aware of any parts right now that would like some attention or are you just you know where does the question take you right now um well i think there's parts of me that are similar to yours that are like anxious i think it's a part there's a part that's up about just shifting from being busy to like landing here with you just being busy with clients and all that stuff and then landing here so there's a little bit of that of like feeling like i was kind of moving fast and then there's definitely another part that's anxious about like wanting to make sure that this is helpful for people and um that i'm this is helpful i think there's another part that like i i'm i'm open and um and i'm open to be personal and it doesn't actually bother me at all but there are parts of me that are like make sure you're not too personal like right there's a part that's like um make sure there is i do need a boundary so i'm just noticing that i'm noticing a part that needs a boundary that's great that's great and a reminder to you um that you have the power of veto so if the session's going somewhere and your parts really want the attention rather than pulling it back we'll just wipe out the video it doesn't matter okay because i want your parents to know they're more important than whatever this might be doing for other people right i really want to get that and if there's a part that really you know has some personal information want some attention we'll go there we'll just do this another time well you know as you say that what that really brings up for me which is i think one of the things that's happening right now is that this part that said well that's tammy doesn't feel that way like we're not important to tammy like that idea of um attending to my parts that might come up isn't as important as producing the video sure so so this part is like but tammy doesn't treat us that way because the way tammy treats us as producing the thing is more important than attending to us right so what it sounds like is when you're in producing the thing mode when that part's taking the lead that's probably true yeah yeah fine so can you let your producing the thing part know that this is my thing she doesn't like that wait what does she like about it she doesn't have to like it what doesn't she like about that she likes she likes producing she likes like she's she's hearing that it's your thing but it's also like the thing that i'm not loving she's not loving about this whole virus thing it's like we like producing we like having a full schedule we like being you know really active and really busy and um that's the thing that i felt like on sunday when i was trying to organize my schedule for monday so on sunday we kind of got the like um you know schools are closed and so what does this week look like and so i was getting emails from some of my therapist friends that were switching all to telehealth doing all of all of sessions online so sunday night i was starting to switch into like i was um texting and emailing my clients like you know how's the week gonna look whatever and i got this like punch in the gut like feeling i remember i was giving my this is me this is crazy me i'm giving my son a bath and i'm texting and i got this i walked in the bathroom and i was like feeling of like i'm not going to have a full schedule like i'm not going to produce and this it's the same it's the same i mean she's definitely feeling a little more sassy with you but it's this it's connected to that like punch in the gut like what if what if all my clients cancel and i make no money and um but it's not about the money it's more about having people in my schedule okay okay thank you now does she know you're there you've just been speaking for her quite a bit just take a moment to connect make sure she knows you're there yeah slow it down with her and notice how you feel towards her she works really hard she's got some worries it sounds like what i'm noticing what's coming up what's coming up is is the sassiness the sassiness that's like yeah she thinks she thinks very highly of herself and it looks like you you're enjoying your assassins from your smile yeah i like it yeah let her know that let me know you like how sassy she is it's great and just stay with her see what else she wants you to know she's sassy she's busy she does a lot for you a lot for the world she likes that she likes that recognition that's true so just stay in that appreciation ever just see what needs to happen what comes up pretty she likes that look what comes up pretty quickly is another part that says that's reminding me that on saturday so friday she was really active last week friday was really busy saturday was busy saturday afternoon was like i had to go full stop like let's lay on the couch let's snuggle let's watch movies let's just be in because it had been because she had been so hard like running me so hard and so this part of me as i try to sit with her this other part of me comes up that's like but if we let her run us so much then we have to go to full stop and then and then we get to prep then we go full stop which me which goes to depression which feels like depression it goes to like staying in and it feels terrible that feels terrible okay good so does that one's worry make sense to you yeah yeah good and can you let her know that is it also aware of you yeah that's actually feeling a little bit closer to me good so i want this one to know that we're not inviting the one that the productive one that works so hard we're not inviting it to take over and run the show in this moment we're just inviting it to be known by you to be appreciated by you even though this other one doesn't appreciate the intensity of it you can she says but you let her run the show all the time yeah so it sounds like there may be some truth in that okay yeah so your productive one is around a lot it sounds like this one doesn't like the fact it's around a lot and it also sounds like if it's not around a lot you know doing doing doing you're bathing my kid texting and thinking and planning uh that there's a concern that there'll be a flattening in your system which may or may not feel like depression is that right yeah that's exactly right all right does that make sense to you hold on yeah okay it feels so good to be heard i just felt that like oh gosh it feels so good to be heard and understood feels good all right so there's a number of ways we can go we can keep listening to these two that don't like each other particularly or this one doesn't like that one i should say the productivity one hasn't made a comment on the other one or we could come to uh the part that has gone into depression in the past to see what that's about because that also will have a story to tell you or there may be other parts connected to all this now that you've acknowledged these that are also coming so just see what needs to happen as i name those possibilities what i'm hearing from something is about is this idea of my worth about something about the producing and like the the feeling of like the the air being knocked out of me has something to do with my worth and that like i'm not worth anything if i'm just laying around like if i if i decide or if like this productive part decides oh you can you can lay around it saturday afternoon or like um like it's it's ex the example is like if it's football season then you have this like you're allowed to lay around because it's you're watching football and you're having snacks and like you're allowed to but like right now you're it's like what worth are you if you're not with saying what worth are you if you're not producing that's what i'm hearing okay okay can you let it know you're hearing that thank you for that i think this other one is giving me like examples of times i don't produce like there's like plenty of times i don't produce like i love reading and but it's almost like yeah yeah so here's what i understand about what i call productivity managers because i know i've got one too right they can really enjoy and really be good at doing the whole productivity thing and that's great there are also times when they feel compelled into doing the productivity thing and that i have to or what if i don't is usually when it's a manager that's connected to an exile it sounds like that's what you've got here you've got a part that feels like it's not worth much or maybe not worth anything and so this productivity part is you know we'll just keep putting out right and then that will prove that we've got some worth some purpose something like that yeah all right yeah okay so i'm aware of the context of what we're doing here tammy so i want to check with you we could come to get to know that one that feels like she's not worth much because that's a horrible feeling and it would just be nice to connect with her yeah i'm also aware that there are problems at the beginning saying they didn't want to get too personal and we have to have boundaries so um i just want to let those parts know that i'm aware of them um and we could stay working with a protective bunch and you can let this other one know that you're gonna come back to it at some point or we could just touch in on her so that she knows you're there it's a horrible place to be to feel like i'm not worth much and to feel alone in it so see what needs to happen um they love that you checked in with me about that and this is not a topic that feels too personal right okay so um they feel like you know we could stay with the product protectors kind of arguing back and forth and being kind of playful but all right so let's go in yeah okay so thank you for that and then just add some older software back especially the ones that let you know about her and then ask if it's okay for you to connect with this one directly see where it feels like she is in or around your body not feeling like she's worth much if it's a she and then just drop into her in whatever way you do that so you can let her know you're there so i just got this um this image of this little girl and she's sitting on the floor and she's got this um i mean i'm just checking to make sure it's okay if i say this great okay okay wait a second wait a second okay is it i don't want to override any of the protective parts is it genuinely okay or is there a part kind of saying yeah compromising i don't need to know what she's showing you she can just show you herself but if it is okay it's easier for me to track but that that doesn't have to be the deciding factor well i think okay let me take a second yeah just take a moment whatever concern there may be about you letting me know how she's presenting listen to that concern it's important otherwise it could be backlash after the session right like oh i shouldn't have said that well one of the one of the reasons why i feel like it needs to be said is that um [Music] that there's no shame in it and like it's okay to say it because i think that i felt shame or parts of me felt shame about it okay no everyone's gonna be like what is it and making it sound like such a big deal um but it's part of something that felt a lot of shame and so i feel like if i don't say it then it colludes with the parts that to say hide okay and so so the part of the concern is does it feel like it's been uh suitably witnessed and attended to by you and it's giving you the permission i want to make doubly sure yeah okay great okay so let's move forward then thank you thank you parts letting you know about the concerns okay so it's a girl and she's um she's sitting on the floor and she's got her knees up and her head is kind of like in her knees and she's got so when i was little i had this security object of and i used to call it my furry and it was like um it was like this you know there's like plastic rabbits that you get that has like the fur on them and you would get them for easter and they would be probably don't get them anymore but they're like really really soft and i i guess at one point when i was little that turned into like i just had the fur part of this thing and i would carry it with me and i had it for years and i think i maybe had different ones but i had this thing for years and so she's holding that so she's like i'm hurt holding my furry is what she's holding and you have a sense of about how old she is in this scene four is the number that's coming up okay great and i just want to take a little bit of time to make sure that the connection is there so um invited to be aware of you um that she's got your attention that's why you're there with her and i want to make sure that she's present-day oriented so can you ask her to tell you how old you are and then just wait for the reply so i'm sitting next to her and she's scooching away from me okay so i'm sitting next to her may not be the best idea for now okay so whatever part of you wanted to you know maybe get a little closer just let us know we've got this covered right we've got it covered yeah so that for some reason that that bit of distance is important to her so let's respect it for now and then just ask her does she know who you are does she know how old you are and wait for her to respond she doesn't know who i am she does she doesn't want anything to do with me she doesn't have to have anything to do with you okay so can you let her know that good now how do you feel towards her when she says i don't want anything to do with you um [Music] there's like an analytical part that's up a little bit that's like um that's like she's doing this like i'm all tangled up hold on okay okay she's doing this like little like half scooching thing and there's like an analytical part that's going like she's um she's like um she's like not wanting attention but by her bae by her behavior she's pulling for attention so she's saying like i don't want attention but she's pulling for it by just scooching away like no no no like analytical parts coming up so thank you and local part for that information okay and then ask it to soften back because chances are it's right and then let's come back to how do you feel towards her when she says i don't want you there yeah so now i'm just feeling like love for her and just so much like softness and i i went from like standing so i'm now further away from her and um and i'm so but i kind of went from standing to just like kneeling like that's like talking to her from like that posture that's great good tammy i have a teaching part of this up so i'm going to speak for a moment because it's aware that this is a teaching piece and then we're going to come back is that okay right of course yeah so just be present with her um the teaching part wants to say when a young part pushes us away rejects us even two-year-olds having a tantrum right you're a mom you know this you don't you never leave the room you just stay present and particularly because this one um something she believes about herself is that somehow she's not okay right so it's very important that she knows any way she wants to be with you is welcome anyway at all because that's not been her experience so um i'm just naming that i know you know that because you're with her and you've already connected but i'm just naming that if there are anyone anyone's observing that is wondering about that particular intervention so that's my teaching part thank you very much yeah so you're with her kneeling the connection feels like it's stronger somehow does she know who you are now she may not care she doesn't have to but i want to check and she she did get your attention that is why you're there with her she doesn't have to say or do anything she doesn't want to there's something about she doesn't want to give me this okay this isn't from her there's almost like um not to make this complicated but so there's like the four-year-old and then all of a sudden it's like there's like the seven-year-old who's in this like dark clothes who like doesn't want to give me the sad like i don't want to give you the satisfaction of telling you who i know who you are like it feels very different than the four-year-old yeah it's almost like i'm i'm getting that yeah so it sounds like there's a relationship between these two yeah it's like she has this sassy the my thinking part is like oh she's got the sassiness of that per the be productive one right she's got like her sassiness okay so this sounds that now if i'm wrong just throw it out but what it sounds like to me is the seven-year-old's got the sassy so she's probably protective and she sounds like she's protective of the four-year-old we don't have to give you nothing right yeah yeah so this is the origin of this dynamic right productive and sassy and not feeling good about yourself yeah so just as you become aware of that what'd you notice hmm yeah it's like wow that makes so much sense and also like the four-year-old is also kind of like hiding and she's really hiding and she's hiding in the furry she just wants to be with the furry she doesn't want any like she's like this like i just want to be with my furry like yeah um yeah i'm just like wow like that's i totally get that makes so much sense to me just knowing myself like wow and i just honestly i just feel so much love for both of them like i just love both of them so just shine that on them right let them feel your warmth your open-heartedness your love and just be present to that that's all you need to do and then just see what needs to happen as you do that a seven-year-old sits down and is like fine [Laughter] okay is what's it saying fine too does it think there's some hidden agenda we got here well it's almost like fine if you're going to be nice to us or if you're going to love us fine just love us then like that kind of thing oh it's got nothing to push against right okay yeah right so do that just be there and love them they're amazing and i i i'm really feeling i'm really feeling a lot of love for both of them but that feisty seven-year-old it feels like a big sister or a big brother apart to me like really taking care of the sibling you know so nice to see i'm so glad that little one's got this seven year old so the seven-year-old loves that loves hearing that and that feels really good and so i want i i don't this is from self but i'm really wanting that four year old to feel it i don't i feel like she's not feeling that like the seven-year-old is more open the four-year-old is i don't even know that she's aware of the seven-year-old tell me that's fine so this sounds like what i think of as a caregiving part of you the one that really wants that for the four-year-old so like this yeah yeah let this caregiving partner we're getting there we know what we're doing yeah yeah and a reminder and again my teaching person right so reminder that the protectors determine the safety of the work right and so they're seven-year-olds right very protective fine if you just want to love us yeah let's stay with the seven-year-old because it sounds like i get that it's feisty and it's high energy i'm also aware that in its adult manifestation there's a punch in the gut when it feels like it can't do his job in the way it wants to right so very important that he's able to do its job and i'm wondering how it feels about his job maybe we could ask it that it feels like his job's really important it is yeah yeah good now if there was anything about it anything at all that it could change if it was possible you know better pay less hours more vacations would it be interested in that possibility or not is it just fine i did agree that it works well i'm just going to say what it just said right it just said well more vacation something about the vacation i love vacations so i don't know what this means but something about well more vacations wouldn't be good for us because we need to work because we're very important people like we're very we need we need to be very important and so more vacations would be we're not very important got it okay now does that make sense to you because that makes sense to me it does now good okay so let's ask how come it's so important to be so important again hypothetically if it wasn't so important what would happen oh my god there's another part it's like oh my god you're not that important shut up i and let's come back to this one that does need to feel important she says she needs seven-year-old pointing to the four-year-old she needs to feel important okay good now it sounds like then the four-year-old actually may not feel important is that right all right so we could let the seven-year-old know this the seven-year-old feels very important i get it she he really is he really is so i i want you to let the seven-year-old know this we have exactly the same um intention here we all want the four-year-old to feel better about herself and the seven-year-old does it by bringing a lot of important energy into the system and we could ask if it could be an ally in a different way because the seven-year-old may not know this but if it allows you to hear from the four-year-old if the four-year-old wants to share with you how come it doesn't feel important then we could help clear that from its system because that's a false belief that it doesn't matter that it's not important but it picked it up somewhere and because it picked it up we can help it to release it which is something the seven-year-old is not able to do but we can if that feels okay okay so as you are talking the seven-year-old like knelt down next to the four-year-old and was like um like caressing her and the four-year-old said it's easier for me to not feel like i'm important because then when my parents treat me as if i'm not important then then that's fine because i'm not important so it's easier for me to handle that yeah good that's really good thank you so much for letting you know that right because i don't know that go ahead like that i don't know that a four-year-old would say that but that was just like the sense like the complete like i got that like in a second yeah that's it you're you're getting into that yeah you're getting the information through it sounds like through your intuitive faculty and then you're translating into language that's fine so okay invite your analytical partner not to get hung up on that on the tv okay um and hang on i lost focus no you're fine you're absolutely fine it was my distracting part there um for ah good yes so it sounds like the four-year-old's got what i call a resignation protector we'll just resign ourselves for not being important and then we don't have to worry and then we don't have to feel hurt and then we don't have to feel ignored or whatever else might happen if we're not resigned to it right does that make sense yes yeah all right great so let the resigned one that's a part of the four-year-old right let that resigned protector know that you totally get that strategy and it makes total sense i make sure the resigned ones know the resigned one i'm sorry make sure it knows how old you are now and that it might be okay now it might be safe now just in this bubble that the three of us are in to hear from what it was like what it is like when resignation is not there it's too scary for resignation to not be there okay no good that's great so how about instead of it not being there we don't want it to abandon its post how would it be if it considered instead of blocking the information if it kind of moved into being more like a valve allowing some of it to come through and then shutting it down which it's really good at so you you can hear it bit by bit but not in a way that gets too scary or too overwhelming how's that yeah that feels good great okay thank you for that okay so just invite the resignation part to just soften back a little bit so you can make more direct contact with that little four-year-old and just see what happens now as you do that something about mum and dad not being available or not feeling important or something there's like a wave of sadness okay good is this much sadness okay for you to feel okay let the little one know you get she's sad just let her know you get her that's the part that's like don't lose it don't completely lose it right now but yes yeah so you can ask the little one if it does feel like you might lose it just ask the little one to dial it back just a little bit but in a way this invitation will invite her to be known in her sadness we're not pushing her sadness away okay and the best way she can be known is to just bring it to you a little more gently even though it's really big for her i don't know you can get that without her flooding you good yeah yeah she's sad how come she's so sad what does that sadness connect to like mom mom mom not paying attention to me okay you get that tummy okay good let her know you get that she carries deep sadness about that and it also sounds like the way she makes sense of that is by deciding that it's because she's not important or something is that right yeah okay so does that make sense did she start to believe that about herself yeah makes sense to me too okay thank her for all that she's doing great right so she feels really sad she believes that mom doesn't pay attention because she's not that important she doesn't really matter keep listening see what else she needs you to know i feel like she's aware of like other protectors that are like now these like shadowy figures that are standing around her like you better not say another word uh-huh great because she's got a lot of protection good so can you send a message to all of those protectors invite them to be aware that it's 2020 that the only people here are you and me there is no mom and dad around there is no one that is going to judge her or criticize her or hurt her in any way and then see how they respond they like um like went away like right okay so they really needed to that updating that reassurance i'm really glad they let us know about how they've been protecting her she's very important to them as well yeah so come back to her now what else has she been holding for you that she wants to be a good girl yeah okay so how is it that that she thinks she's not a good girl when mom gets mad okay so long as angry sometimes and when mom's angry part is up she feels like it's because she's not good okay good that makes sense to you too yeah yeah me too yeah it's hard to be around mum's angry part yeah good doing great keep asking what else has she been holding what else has been hard for her she's showing me like um my mom and i lived in this apartment like it was a house that was broken up into two apartments and we lived in this apartment and she's now she's kind of like crawling around i don't know what she's showing me but she's like crawling around the floor okay so let her know you're not entirely clear on what she needs you to know by showing you that and just ask her if she can help you be more clear okay she's showing me like a teddy bear okay and i don't have a memory of this but i know that i think at some point my mom like i wouldn't clean up my room and so my mom threatened to throw away my teddy bears and i think she did i don't remember that but that's like a story yeah i actually am picturing now like my mom [Music] like throwing them out of the second floor window again like i don't actually think that happened but like okay so you're remembering part and the part is trying to figure out if it happened just get them to pull back it doesn't matter it doesn't matter because that's what this part is showing you showing an image of all the bears being thrown out of the window right yeah so just ask her how come she's showing you that image what is she wanting you to know well that's really scary and those are my teddy bears and like she's throwing them out like in in like in a really out of control like completely out of control away like mom is completely out of control throwing these out the window right that's what she needs you to know she gets really scared when mom gets out of control like that's how important it is that i'm like a good girl right oh got it okay because if you're not mom might get angry and then kind of crazy out of control and that's scary yeah yeah so she has to be a good girl in terms of how she behaves yeah and on the inside she worries that she's not a good girl is that right or well it's she was saying it like ties into the importance that i'm important because then like if i'm a good girl and i'm important because then mom can do the other things that she needs to do and doesn't have to worry about me okay okay so it sounds like she's also got some sense that she's a burden to her mum in some way that's really important to know good thank her for that yeah how are you feeling towards her now yeah i feel um love for her and i feel like she's being so brave telling me these things and yeah yeah so um i'm just invited to be aware of this because she is being really brave once she's let you know everything about what she's been holding that's been so hard for her we're going to help her to not have to hold that anymore so see how she feels about that possibility she's feeling really really liked showing me she's really really connected to me like we're feeling really connected right and so she's feeling like a lot of trust for me and um so she's like yeah that is that's sounds good all right great so but we want to make sure we've got everything because we want to make sure she never ever has to go back there again okay and she's already let you know a lot and i don't know what else she might be holding but we're going to listen to her until she's told you everything and there's no rush but let's just see what else is there what else has been hard for her beliefs about herself feelings experiences well this idea that she's a burden there was so much over trying to tell me how important so my mom was a teenager when she had me my both my mom and dad were teenagers and so there was this over compensating of how important i am it's funny that she's using that word so it's almost like you just acknowledging that i was a burden not that you were acknowledging that but that feeling this is almost like i had a feeling that i was a burden even as they're telling me that i'm so important like there was this miss i mean i'm little i don't know that she's a teenager like i don't know but it's like this feeling this this missed feeling of like so like yeah it felt like i was a burden and it felt like the best thing i could do was just be a really good girl that was like the most important thing i could do was just be a good girl yeah and then i wouldn't be so much of a burden right so that became a strategy and part of being a good girl is being productive in later life it's the same dynamic right but it takes on a different yeah it all makes so much sense thank you for that [Music] it's a horrible feeling to feel like a burden so see if there's more see if there's more she needs to know and also the confusion it was hard it's hard to be to have that confusion of feeling like a burden but then being told yeah that you are awesome and you're a lifesaver and you're the best thing or whatever yeah that is really confusing it is confusing yeah absolutely yeah so i just was like so hi is there anything else and now she's like sitting at the table eating cereal and like kicking her feet nope okay all right okay good so it sounds like she's ready to release all that stuff then um yeah yeah that's yeah yeah she moves pretty fast i like her so much okay so um just invite her maybe put the cereal down for the moment she can come back to it in a minute if she likes but i wanted you to invite her to um either you can go back to where she is or she can come into the present with us or you can both go somewhere where she would like to do this but you got to invite her to take all of that stuff she's been holding the the difficult feelings the beliefs about herself and she's going to send it all away she could send it to the earth she could send it into water into fire into light or into the air but in any way that makes sense to her or anything else what would you like to let all that go to now that you know about it so after my therapist thinking part is i need to ask that to relax a little bit okay so i can ask her what she wants yeah i'm gonna do that good catch so she's remembering this huge snowstorm that happened this was like in the 70s and there was a crazy snowstorm and there is pictures of this house with a snowstorm so she's saying i want to dig a really big hole like not just in the snow but like move all the snow back and dig like the biggest hole and like have fun like while i'm digging the hole but then put all this stuff in there all right so invite her into that process and just let me know when she's done okay okay she's fast so uh i want you to invite her to check her body one last time does it feel clear now or is there anything at all in there that doesn't feel like it belongs to her that she'd like to get rid of she feels bouncy is the word okay i don't know good bouncing all right so it sounds as though she's clear what she needed to clear so it also sounds like she's taking in bouncy or she's returning to her bouncy um see if there's anything else that's going to make her feel whole again or complete or anything else she wants to take in for herself or own bouncy what else what else is true about her there is this feeling of not having so i don't know what this is but this could be a thinking part that's coming up about like not having to be a good girl and it almost is like that's what's giving the bouncy like oh my gosh like if i don't have to be the good girl like i can't even imagine what that would feel like yeah like oh okay i just want to discern or help you to send something here that might be the protector that's coming in very automatically and saying oh i don't because it's her protective part that has the strategy of being the good girl yeah okay it might be that it doesn't feel like it's yeah it feels like there's something else coming in it's not heard just like bouncing it's this other thing it's like so let's let's let this protector and all the other protectors know we're going to come to them in a moment actually okay just as i really want to finish this piece with her so it's complete and so we know she's good okay yeah so just come back to her she that's all buried in the snow her body's clear it sounds like is that right it's all gone all right what would she like to take in for herself now into the space she made well you know what she wants to get out of that she's still like in the 70s right so she's feeling like she's still there and she wants to leave that yard yeah so she's like i need to leave the yard yeah where would she like to go she'd go anywhere she likes now she's not stuck there right unless she likes jane fonda leggings she can come into the present she could age i think they're coming back i think those things are coming back no because i can't mine i can't mind them just in case the leotard you have the leotard too i'm not answering that question in public um where would you like to settle seriously she can go anywhere she could tuck herself into your heart if that feels right for her so she has this idea that she wants to like bounce and end up in a field of like flowers and then there's like a castle like a like a like a treehouse castle sort of thing and she wants to hang out there that sounds like a fun place to hang out so invite her to bounce there it's great yeah she's there yeah great okay my my intuition is that her bouncing protector is going with her [Laughter] yeah there's bouncing happening there's a lot of balance happening good anything now she's there anything else that she wants or needs for herself what does that feel like she's good now she feels really good great all right so um i want you to let her know that you're going to check in with her every day for about three weeks if that feels doable if it's not don't make the promise if you've got parts saying i'm too busy or we got this crazy virus to deal with then don't make a promise if you can't fulfill it yeah no that feels good that feels good all right so let her know you're gonna do that and you know where to find her she's in the treehouse yeah all right great great so we're gonna withdraw the very focused attention from her for now we'll be back tomorrow let's come now to these protectors right she had the uh resigned protector she had that fabulous seven-year-old that led us to her with its productivity there was the shadowy kind of enclave protectors that were available and ready to ensure that nothing happened to invite them all in invite them to be aware of this shift in your system that she's no longer stuck in that place feeling those things and then see if there's any comments concerns or questions from any of these parts so the resigned one is like that it needs to it it helps other parts because it feels like that's important so i'm just like it's it's kind of saying like that's nice and good but you still need me around absolutely and we don't want to get rid of it absolutely right but you might invite it to notice that in terms of this particular part it can step down it can step down it can take a little bit of a break right um okay but it sounds like there are other parts that it's connected to that it's important that it maintains its role so yeah yeah yeah it's great we don't want to get rid of any parts that'd be foolish yeah unless they want to change then it's coming from them okay any others you're hearing from the seven-year-old is just really happy for her oh good yeah so the seven-year-old started off ensuring you know good girl behavior and then productivity and working real hard all the time um you can invite it now is there anything about his role it might like to shift now it's no longer compelled by her or is it just doing just fine as it is it's skipped away yeah it just skipped yeah sounds like it's doing fine yeah yeah great and the shadowy parts are just they're fine good they're like we'll come in when we need to oh great yeah great great good thank them for that that's great okay any other parts now with any comments about your work today questions concerns i know you've got a big analytical part because that was in and out uh no i feel good i feel like uh that feels really good okay okay so i want you to just just before we close tell me bring your attention back to that scene where you're washing your boys hair you're texting your friends and then there was that moment of if i'm not productive because that's kind of what led us to her so come back to that moment and see what comes up for you now does it still feel like a punch in the gut or does it has it shifted in any way um yeah i feel like it's like the thought of like this vague thought of like not having anything to do or any clients to see and that doesn't feel like uh i'm not getting a reaction i'm not getting anything it doesn't feel like a fear doesn't feel like it actually feels like go put your phone away and play in the tub and not in a critical way but just like i don't need to do this let's just let's just be here and play with playmobil characters and yeah yeah it sounds like there's permission to do that now even though it's not a scheduled event like a sporting event right now this is bath time bath time is a scheduled play event play go yeah it doesn't even feel like that yeah it feels sick yeah no good yeah so yeah that's just an indication that something shifted which is what we wanted to check so that's great yeah that's great so beautiful thank you so much [Music] um do you want to sit with this for a bit or do you think this is okay to let people see or you know this involvement yeah you're okay yeah definitely great thank you yeah thank you derek wow you

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